The Southern Leap

Do you like Hondurans?

2007-02-04T12:17:00.000-08:00

Why do Honduran people ask me this? As if Honduran people were all the same such that I could actually answer? Or, as if I could say anything other than "of course!" considering the fact that it's a Honduran ASKING the question?

I don't get it.

I mean, I will admit that I'm prone to generalizations for their rhetorical value, but clearly I know that humans are just humans, widely varied across the globe, regardless of their culture, race, gender, place of birth, etc.

And yet I get these questions.

While shopping in ACA Joe's at the mall in La Ceiba, I got to chatting with a clerk. She asked me if I liked Ceibenos. I almost said no... and I think she caught my hesitation before I said "!claro!" because she gave me a knowing grin.

Perhaps she was from El Porvenir or something.

Time for a break!

2007-01-20T12:12:00.000-08:00

After two whole months of work I'm beat. So it's clearly time for another vacation.

Regularly scheduled ranting will return in February!

Random Photo

2007-01-13T17:53:00.000-08:00

This photo was taken at the Bahia Bar in Trujillo. A dump, really, but the right company makes all the difference... we had a blast!

Now the million dollar question: which person is me, and which is the owner of the Banana Beach Resort???

(shhhhhh... LG & Katrina)

PS, I stole this pic from a friend's photobucket album, for the record. (don't hit me, J!)

So much for choice in communications...

2007-01-10T08:05:00.000-08:00

This is highly disturbing.

Merry Christmas!

2007-01-06T09:20:00.000-08:00

(...to members of the Armenian Apostolic Church...)

*or*

Feliz Dia de los Tres Magos!

(...to those who celebrate Epiphany/The Twelve Days of Christmas)

*or*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Any way you look at it, today we eat cake!

WOW!

2007-01-02T20:41:00.000-08:00

People crossing the Rio Bonito from La Ceiba make their way across a
makeshift foot bridge against the looming Nombre de Dios mountains.
(AP/Austin American-Statesman, Brian K. Diggs)

I stole this photo from the Washington Times. (I hope that's legal.)

I just thought it was an amazing shot, and felt like sharing.

Happy New Year!

Dump Thoughts

2006-12-28T10:53:00.000-08:00

I had to make a trip to the dump last week, since I smashed up 17 contractor bags' worth of plaster and lath.

Whew. That was dusty.

Anyway, I've been to the dump before, (actually we call it the South Transfer Station - doesn't that sound nice?) but this time I got to thinking about how organized and official it is, particularly when compared with some of its counterparts in Honduras.

(Here's my little pickup, loaded with HEAVY plaster and wood chunks.)

As you can see from the sign above, these dump people take security seriously. Not just any old chump can, er, dump. You must have photo ID with an address matching that which is indicated on your voucher!

Every vehicle must weigh in and weigh out. There are two scales: one for trucks and one for vehicles towing trailors. (Make sure you pay attention - go to the wrong scale and that blue-haired office-lady is gonna chew yer ass out in front of whoever is around.)

And here is the wood/construction waste pile.

NO METAL!
(Just in case you can't read the sign.)

There is a separate pile for metal, which is not pictured here. Also not pictured is a pile for what I would refer to as "miscellaneous crap." That's inside the garage where they have the scales and the office. Misc. crap includes plastics, such as broken patio chairs, high chairs, kiddie pools with holes in them, and the like.

NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...... that you have weighed out, signed your form, and retrieved your driver's license, (yes they hold them) let's take a gander at the Tegucigalpa dump:

What's the first difference you probably notice?

PEOPLE!

Yes, there are quite a few people who actually live IN the municipal dump in Tegucigalpa. They scavenge for useful items, including food.

Completely insanitary, dangerous, and heartbreaking.

...especially when you see all the kids there.

Now time for the plug:

There are people working to help the kids (and adults) who live off of the dump. Many of them are former street kids themselves, participating in the "Dump Ministry" through The Micah Project.

If these photos disturb you, I encourage you to check out the Micah project and consider a donation or maybe even a visit if you are ever in Tegucigalpa. In 2005, I met the founder of this organization, as well as a few of the young men who participate in the dump ministry. It is a worthy cause, and they are some truly amazing people.

The Tegus dump may never look as organized as its Minneapolis counterpart, but at least some things can be done to help the people who live in it.

Pico Bonito

2006-12-27T16:08:00.000-08:00

Whenever La Ceiba stressed me out, I tried to remember to look up.

Isn't it gorgeous?

Contradictions

2006-12-22T11:01:00.000-08:00

Railing against conspicuous consumption has long been one of my favorite pastimes.

So why did I just buy a handbag which costs more than the average Honduran worker makes in a month?

I dunno. Perhaps I was consumption-starved... or maybe I'm just more materialistic than I thought.

Achiote

2006-12-20T20:26:00.000-08:00

I first learned about Achiote as a cooking additive in Mexico. Its basically devoid of flavor, but people like to use it to add red color to their food. My packet, (purchased about seven years ago in Queretaro) shows a picture of a roasting chicken on the front.

Blood-red drumstick, anyone?

I really like how this seed pod looks though. It reminds me of candy... like... 'Nerds' or 'Pop Rocks' or something. I do believe I shall have to grow it sometime...

The photo was taken at the Welchez Coffee Plantation, just outside of Copan Ruinas in Western Honduras. I highly recommend visiting this plantation if you're ever in the neighborhood!

I'm alive!

2006-12-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been almost a month since I posted on this blog. Sorry kids! Mostly it was due to the fact that my laptop died, but also partially affected by my lack of internet access and aversion to all internet cafes other than Multinet. (Even Multinet could get a bit crowded, and the mall location smells funny, but that's another story.)

So I came back to Minnesota early, in order to meet a December 15th tax deadline that I had not initially been aware of. Minnesota greeted me in typical fashion - with 8 degree (F) temp and gusting winds. Thankfully, however, that was just a spell. It's been in the 40's for the past few days now.

I will post some pics and additional commentary on my Honduras experiences shortly. Right now I have to go smash up plaster though.

Happy Holidays!

:-(

2006-11-19T09:32:00.000-08:00

My computer crashed.

NOW what do I do????

UHHHHGH.

West End, Roatan

2006-11-16T06:40:00.001-08:00

The sunsets here are awesome.

I love this rickety dock.

And more setting sun, as viewed from the appropriately named "Sundowner's."

Um, you mean a shot of rum?

2006-11-15T19:47:00.000-08:00

German tourist at a West End restaurant, upon receiving the mojito he ordered:

"Uh, yez, I would like somezing *like* zis drink... but WIZZOUT de mint."

?

(Since they don't have www.overheardinhonduras.com)

I am alive

2006-11-15T18:48:00.000-08:00

I have been a terrible slacker with this blog. I would like to say that it's because of hit or miss internet access, and that's true to a degree. Aside from that though, I have been running around, and writing in places other than here. Oops. At some point I will try and transfer that writing to the blog... maybe.

Because guess what I have in store for all you lucky kids???

Restaurant reviews!!!

Yes, that's right, come back soon to witness BFC shred NEARLY EVERY eatery in La Ceiba! Whoohoo! It's gonna be fun.

Anyway, I had planned to upload a bunch of pictures from Trujillo, the Rio Cangrejal, and Pico Bonito cloudforest here, but alas (surprise surprise) this [EXPLETIVE] internet service on Roatan cannot handle the load. Only one measly picture uploaded successfully. Here it is:

This (above) is one of the lovely houses at Banana Beach Resort in Santa Fe, just outside of Trujillo. I had the good fortune to be invited to stay there by the owners of the place. They have three such houses so far, plus tennis courts, a beach bar/restaurant, and other housing units are forthcoming. The best part is that all of this is located right on the beach!

Anyway, now I'm in West End, Roatan. Pics to follow when internet connections allow.

Smiles!

PS - please let me know if you are unable to see this picture. For the first time, I simply uploaded from my computer rather than the more arduous path of hosting the photo on photobucket.com. I don't know if this will affect things or not.

RANT!!!!!!!

2006-11-08T09:06:00.000-08:00

So I moved into this furnished apartment, thinking I would finally get the peace and privacy I desired in the wake of a torturous week at the Hotel Italia. What a sweet dream that was... ha.

I am like an angry beta fish, sulking in my transparent bowl, nothing but a token swath of cheap plastic seaweed behind which to hide.

I like privacy. I hate people at my door. I want my home to be a refuge, where I can be sick or well, dressed or undressed, awake or asleep, without anyone else knowing, caring or bothering me.

Yeah, anyway...

First of all, my landlords are nosy. Second, they´re loud. Third, they wake up at six in the morning every day, so that they can be their loud and nosy selves outside my window JUST as the sun is coming up. Beautiful.

This particular morning, as I am on day three of a body-wracking sickness, undoubtedly caused by inadequately washed something-or-other, I sat at the kitchen table sipping tea and breathing deeply until my landlord yelled my name through the mostly closed window slats.

Fuck.

I opened the door.

¨?Va a salir?¨ he asks me, smiling brightly. (Are you going to go out?)

I stared at him dumbly for a moment, and then mumbled something to the effect that I might... like an idiot.

Great! He was pleased, since the carpenter was here to install shelves in my closet. (Note - I have been here a week and that stupid carpenter has also been on the property every day - how about a fucking 24 hour notice or something??? At this point I don´t even WANT shelves anymore, I just want to be left alone.)

So there I stand, barefoot, bra-less, unshowered. My parasitic insides roil in weak protest of any separation between them and my nice clean bathroom.

Fuck, again.

I dress and leave, wondering if the internet cafe has a public bathroom... and doubting it.

Thinking of a swim?

2006-11-02T10:36:00.000-08:00

Well La Quinta Real is raking the beach now... see all the nice little piles of driftwood? I have no idea what they are going to do with them, but they raked, at any rate.

The beach at La Quinta is really the only option for swimming in La Ceiba, as far as I´ve found anyway. Stray much beyond the hotel property and you will come upon this sign:

There is another sign indicating that the water is contaminated, but for some reason I couldn´t upload that one.

What?!?!?

2006-10-31T20:20:00.000-08:00

Espresso Americano is not Honduran?????

It came from Seattle?????

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

2006-10-30T07:06:00.000-08:00

I may have to invest in a canoe.

Back Online!

2006-10-26T18:21:00.000-07:00

I sold my house last Tuesday, and have been more-or-less internet free for the past 9 days...

But now I am in La Ceiba!!!

(And found a good source of wifi, to boot.)

So there ya go. I'd give you all more of the scintillating details of my life, but a hamburger was just delivered to me, so it's gonna have to wait until later...

:-)

The Amended PLAN

2006-10-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

In the early stages of this grand dream of mine, I had very ambitious timelines. I was going to sell my rental property in two seconds, dump three decades-worth of belongings in a monster-sized yard sale, and be gone like yesterday. During this brief whirlwind of an exodus, I planned also (via nothing more than email and phone conversations) to find a building in La Ceiba, get my residency going, and jump-start a website for the new, fabulous bistro (and traveler emporium) that I would shortly open.

Well, let us just say that I have slowed things down a bit.

Mind you, I had a pretty good start to the plan! But I have learned a lot, and the most important part of what I have learned is that I have SO MUCH MORRRRRRRRRRRRE TO LEARN. Furthermore, I have determined that my mental health is a delicate pearl to be guarded jealously, rather than squandered in a flurry of uneccessary and anxiety-producing haste.

So, with that in mind, I have established the following revised plan:

I will arrive in La Ceiba on October 26th.

I will pick a hotel, and probably go to bed immediately.

I will wake up the next day and go drink coffee at Giarre's, and perhaps read a newspaper, while sunning my clammy Minnesotan shoulders at a sidewalk table.

I will walk around.

I will chat with my aunt, and her friends, and La Gringa.

I will visit Roatan, Utila, and Guanaja, and have a crimminally good time doing "market research."

I will make more friends.

I will meet more sketchy characters. (It's all part of the La Ceiba experience.)

I will visit every damn hole-in-the-wall place there is, and meet everyone I possibly can.

When all of that is done... 'round about late December, I will return to Minnesota to celebrate the holidays with my family, and perhaps take a side-trip to Greece.

(After all of that work in La Ceiba, I will need a vacation, you know!)

And THEN, I MIGHT make a short-term (real estate) investment in Minneapolis that will delay my return to La Ceiba for a bit.

But I will return.

And when I do, I will be all the more prepared.

Thursday Update

2006-10-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

1. My closing is delayed - possibly to next Friday.

2. I received some documents from pettravel.com which included veterinarian forms, a letter of request for import permit, and a note indicating that the staff of pettravel.com are STILL not certain about the necessity of said import permit.

3. After divesting my substantial winter wardrobe in anticipation of tropical climes, I turned around and bought two long-sleeved shirts and a sweater-coat the other day.

4. It is currently snowing in Minneapolis, and VERY COLD.

Reality Check

2006-10-07T19:01:00.000-07:00

As the date of departure nears, I find myself worrying more than I ever expected.

I have lived my entire life in Minnesota, (excepting a brief study-abroad in Greece) and have constructed an identity here, for which I suppose I am now in a bit of mourning. I made a home, a family, a career, and an extensive network. Now I am leaving it all behind, and the demons of sadness and doubt have crept into my heart and brain like stealthy burglars.

I am going to assume that this is natural.

Another interesting tidbit is that La Ceiba lost a bit of its luster for me during recent trips. I saw things that disturbed me - things which I had not previously noted. (Same goes for Utila this summer - I actually saw and was approached by the drug dealers, which was a new thing.) I don't know if things have changed or if my attitude has changed. I suspect that it's more attitude. As I attempt to plot a realistic course, I am becoming acutely aware of all the challenges that await me... challenges that I had the blissful ability to ignore as a simple visitor.

Anyway, many have expressed their skepticism and concern for what I am about to do, and a few have predicted that I will be back home in a flash, after I realize what a "dangerous, corrupt, third world shithole" I'm in, and how my age, sex and nationality makes me a glowing target for even the garden variety bad guys.

I know that even as it is expressed in this uncouth fashion, the naysayers do have some basis to their arguments. I am indeed a bit scared. Hell, I cannot count on both hands how many residents of Honduras have told me "don't trust ANYONE!!!" My own cousin's father-in-law told me to live there for six months minimum before investing a penny. Lots of people have gotten screwed in La Ceiba. Some have lost their savings. Others have been shot at. Still others have gotten cocky and had their property vandalized by irate workers. Gang activity is huge, and the drug biz is endemic. I hear the stories. I know what can happen.

But I'm still going. I believe in my plan and more importantly, I believe in the value of pursuing a dream. I would rather fail and return to a boring bureaucratic job in my leafy-green city than always wonder if I could have succeeded.

And besides - I have other plans waiting in the wings, so I need to get this one going to make room for the future endeavors... :-)

Here kitty, kitty...

2006-10-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

I have two cats.

They're kind of annoying, but I feel obligated to keep them since they were abandoned by previous owners, and have served me well by killing lots of rodents, including rats. (My aunt tells me that there are quite a lot of rats in her La Ceiba neighborhood, and has already asked to borrow my furballs when they arrive!)

So now the question is: how to transport the yowlers?

I found two sources, which differ slightly in their advice. The first is from an article on roatanet.com, written by Ryan Bernal: (I am snipping to the relevant info)

(...) Getting a Health Certificate for Roatan
A recent health certificate from your veterinarian (no older than ten days) is required for each pet entering Honduras and for check-in at the airport. As a precaution you can also have your vet fill out a United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) form and have it authenticated by a local Department of Agriculture office: $45. An even further precaution is to take the USDA authenticated form to a local Honduran Consulate for their authentication: $30. However, most times a ten-day recent health certificate will suffice accompanied by vaccination (including rabies) records.

The forms should be available at your local veterinarian or on the USDA website.

Pets Arriving in Honduras
Pets can fly into most airports in Honduras including Roatan International (RTB) and San Pedro-La Mesa International (SAP). Upon arrival with your pet you will go through immigration, but then be directed to the Honduran Department of Agriculture office (found in or near customs). There, the office staff will call for a veterinarian to come and inspect your pets.

You will have to wait for the veterinarian to arrive and if he or she is unavailable at the time you will be asked to come back at a later date and permitted to leave the airport. When your pet is inspected by the veterinarian you will be charged $50 and will need to show the health certificate and vaccination records. (...)

The second source is a post report from www.ediplomat.com, filled with various instructions for foreign service workers moving to Honduras. Here's what they say:

Pets Last Updated: 6/2/2004 1:12 PM

If you are planning to bring a pet to post, you must check airline restrictions on pet travel and make reservations well in advance. All U.S. airlines now restrict pet travel during the summer months. It is important to check and double-check that your pet is still confirmed for travel on the date scheduled, and to have alternate plans in the event your pet's travel is delayed. Detailed information on pet travel is available at the Overseas Briefing Center at the National Foreign Affairs Training Center, or by visiting their web site at http://fsi.state.gov/fsi/tc/default.asp

If you bring your pet with you, you must have a health certificate from a U.S. veterinarian, dated no earlier than 10 days before your arrival, as well as proof of immunization against rabies and parvo between six and twelve months prior to arrival. A Honduran import permit must be presented to the airline when boarding in the U.S. and to the Honduran customs authorities upon arrival in Honduras. Your official sponsor will obtain this permit through a Honduran veterinarian. Your sponsor will need fax copies of your pet's U.S. health certificate, the photo page of your passport, and information on the type/breed, color, sex, weight and age of your pet. The cost of the import permit is approximately $50 per animal. The document normally takes several days to obtain, so you should provide the necessary information to your sponsor as soon as possible after receiving the (10 day) U.S. veterinary certificate.

You may also arrange to ship your pet separately as air cargo, but this is a more costly option. Arrangements on the U.S. side must be made via a commercial pet shipper. In addition to providing the above documentation, you must arrange for a local customs agent to clear the pet upon arrival in Honduras. GSO can assist by providing a list of reputable customs agents. There are additional fees for the commercial U.S. shipper, the actual shipping costs and Honduran customs agent.

All incoming pets are considered livestock by the Honduran customs authorities. As such, they are subject to import fees. These charges vary widely, depending on the breed and size of the animal. The fees cannot be waived for diplomatic personnel. (...)

Note the difference between these two sources - the ediplomat.com one indicates that you should obtain an import permit (via "your sponsor" which I guess I don't have... shucks) through a Honduran vet AHEAD OF TIME. Conversely, the article by Mr. Bernal seems to indicate that this can be obtained onsite at immigration in San Pedro Sula.

Hmmm.

Anybody know which is right????

Stuff... and more Stuff... and still more STUFF

2006-10-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

I have two weeks left in Minneapolis and am appalled at how much stuff remains to be packed, given away, or otherwise dealt with.

What I am I gonna do with all of this STUFF?

It's so hard to decide what should go and what should stay... according to the listservs I read about moving to Honduras, the question of what to bring and what to leave is of immediate concern to almost everyone.

I really don't care to import my Minneapolis life to Honduras in the form of boxes upon boxes of STUFF. I want to make a new life, with, errrr... new stuff, I guess. (Hopefully not too much it, either.)

But the question remains: what kind of stuff can you get in Honduras? And is it as good or better or worse than foreign stuff?

Take the example of an espresso machine. I have my eye on a Rancilio Silvia espresso machine. It's available online for about $500. So I ask myself, should I buy this thing here and bring it down? Buy it here and ship it down? Move down and then order it to be shipped there, if possible? Or could I find one in a store there? (Doubtful on the last bit, since it's barely available in stores in the US)

Kitchen equipment is of high concern to me, as you might have guessed. I have a ton of KitchenAid stuff and cannot figure out if I should bring that either. Can I replace it in Honduras with something of equal quality? Will I get in trouble if airline security finds kitchen knives tucked in among jeans and underwear in my suitcase? (Crap, maybe I should toss the jeans and underwear in favor of more room for a blender...)

And do you know how heavy my food processor is????

Ugh. I can't decide what to do!!!

The Clearance Letter

2006-10-02T16:08:00.000-07:00

According to the Honduran Embassy, one of the required documents for obtaining residency is a so-called "clearance letter" from your local law enforcement agency, which must be subsequently authenticated by Embassy or Consulate staff. (I believe this is one of the "stamps" that expats often refer to, though I could be wrong.)

Last week I contacted the Minneapolis Police Department via my local "311" non-emergency switchboard to enquire. The woman on the phone knew just what I was talking about, and directed to Police History in room 310 of City Hall, and even told me what the cost would be ($1.25) and the hours of the office.

I went, and within five minutes I had a lovely, notorized document proclaiming my innocence and virtue. (Well okay, just innocence.)

On the other hand, LL contact his respective law enforcement authority in Houston and was ostensibly met by uncertainty as to what he was requesting. He was told that he needed to be fingerprinted, and then had to go through Texas DOJ records in Austin, and the FBI. (At what cost, I have not yet determined.)

Well a simple search on google led me to the Houston Police website which clearly states that they do clearance letters.

So here's my question:

Do we get more emigration in Minnesota than they do in Texas???

Obviously we are both borders states... but perhaps more Americans move up north to Canada than down south to the other myriad destinations in this fine hemisphere.

Who knows?

At any rate, I am quite sure that the erroneous information given to LL was taken from the procedures used for IMmigrants, rather than Emigrants.

And now for a warm fuzzy feeling....

2006-10-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog, (not so long ago, though it feels like an eternity to me) my purpose was twofold:

1) to share my experiences in this wild and weird journey from Minnesota to La Ceiba, in hopes that at some point they might be helpful to others.

2) to network with people in the area and hopefully gain some insight into life as a North American Expat in Central America. (And #2 essentially feeds back into #1, so long as I post info about the things I learn.)

Well, let me just say that the #2 objective has been met above my expectations. (And I've only had this blog for a couple of months!) Everyone I've contacted in Central America has been over-the-top helpful, and I feel incredibly lucky and grateful for the advice I've received.

(And please keep it coming folks... I'm still stupid about this, in many regards....)

BUT:

I have a small triumph related to objective #1.

Somebody actually contacted me to enquire about the details of moving to La Ceiba.

That's right, you heard me correctly!!!

(Pity the poor couple... hahaha... it's like the blind leading the blind, eh?)

But I still want to say a big "YAY!"

I will do what I can to help them... which will clearly amount to nothing more than sharing my own experiences and obstacles. It does feel nice though, I gotta say...

Crime

2006-10-01T12:08:00.000-07:00

I feel sick to my stomach.

I was just reading the blog of another expat in Central America whose house was burglarized when he was away. Get this: not only did the burglars rob his home, but they also killed his two young dogs.

I consider myself to be a pretty tough chica, but if something like this happened to me and my pets, I would be absolutely hysterical.

Ugh.

Ever flown into Tegucigalpa?

2006-09-30T20:33:00.000-07:00

I have, and that is ONE HELLUVA RIDE!

I found this article on www.airliners.net and figured some of you out there might appreciate it.

Difficult Approach + Short Runway = Challenge
By Ryan Bert
April 29, 2001

Tegucigalpa is the capital city of Honduras. The international airport there is one of extreme interest because of its difficult approach and because of its surprisingly short runway. There are many unknown facts about this airport.

Toncontín International Airport is more commonly known as Tegucigalpa airport. Tegucigalpa is actually a misnomer in the essence that the airport is actually located in Tegucigalpa’s sister city, Comayaguela. The runway at TGU is only 6,132 ft (1869 m) long. The airport was built on a plateau in the city. Tegucigalpa itself is situated in a basin between several tall mountains. This unique location allows for some spectacular approaches and interesting landings.

The approach into TGU is breathtaking. Up until a few years ago there used to be a small hill some 200 ft (60 m) from the runway. Planes used to have to fly low, ascend the mountain, and descend into TGU. That hill was bulldozed during the early 1990’s. Now the approach into TGU is just as interesting and not as dangerous. An airplane landing at runway 01 at TGU must circle inside the basin below the mountaintops. It is very interesting to look up at the wing and still see trees and mountains while being banked the other way. After it circles the basin it has only 100-200 ft (30-60 m) to line up before the runway. Because of the short runway as soon as the plane crosses the fence separating the airport property and the highway, it must make contact. The runway has a “displaced threshold” leaving only 5,436 ft (1657 m) of useable landing runway. That short runway, coupled with a 1.06º downhill slope on runway 01, allows for little braking time.

Many accidents have occurred here at Toncontín airport. The most notable one was that of a TAN (Transportes Aereos Nacionales)/SAHSA (Servicíos Aereos de Honduras S.A.) Boeing 727-200 (N88705) into a mountain in 1989. The Boeing 727 had drifted from its VOR/DME to Runway 01. It crashed into Cerro de Hule (Translated into “rubber hill”) some 5,000 ft (1524 m) from the runway. This crashed killed 123 of the 138 passengers on board and half of the 8-member crew. Back in June of 1999, an American Airlines 757 struck the fence that separates the highway and the runway. “It was a difficult ordeal,” said one of the passengers, who was onboard and he vowed not to fly into TGU ever again. A year later he was on a flight into TGU and got teary eyed and scared once the approach began. The most recent accident occurred on February 3, 2001. Fortunately no one on board was injured or killed. The TACA Airbus A320, N465(PA/TA), suffered from a reverse thrust malfunction once on the ground. The pilots are to be considered the heroes. Had they not turned the airplane onto the closest taxiway to the end of the runway, they may have gone over the cliff, which is found only 100 ft (30 m) from the end of the runway.

The runway here in TGU is very short compared with many runways in other countries. It is the second smallest international airport in the world. The actual length of the runway is 6,132 feet (1869 m). It was built on a plateau in the basin that holds Tegucigalpa and Comayaguela. Takeoffs here are really awesome. The airliner sits at the end of the runway with the parking brakes on and adds full throttle to the aircraft. After about 5-10 seconds the pilots release the brakes and you are hurled down the runway and leap into the sky with only a 1000-1500 feet (300-460 m) of runway left. It is an incredible feeling to stand on the outside beside the runway and listen to the RPM’s of the aircraft taking off.

Almost every single landing and takeoff at TGU interrupts the flow of traffic along Boulevard hacia Loarque. There are two traffic lights on either side of the runway that stop traffic whenever an airplane takes off and lands. They do not normally stop traffic for small Cessna’s or other small propeller planes; however, for jets and turbo-props traffic is stopped. The reason traffic is stopped is because of how low the aircraft must get to the ground on approach to TGU. They didn’t always stop traffic though. It wasn’t until a few years ago when a jet struck a passenger bus on approach that they finally added the traffic lights. There is only a 4 ft (1,2 m) tall fence separating the traffic from the runway.

I belive Tegucigalpa is one of the most interesting airports in the world. What a challenge for pilots to land here. How exhilarating it must be to pilot a plane in to TGU. I can’t wait for the day when I will pilot an aircraft into this beautiful airport.

Written by
Ryan Bert

No wonder people applaud vigorously upon landing.

Sorry folks, I am on a tangent!

2006-09-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

More about trash. I cannot help it. I am fixated.

I've spent the better part of today thinking about the trash situation in La Ceiba and surrounds. I KNOW there is more that can be done.

So, I took a mental inventory of the crap I see on the streets there. Clearly snack bags and candy wrappers are big, and then there are the pop bottles. (Pardon me - that's sooooooda bottles for you non-midwesterners.)

Efforts are already underway to recycle these materials, as you have seen from my previous posts. Now, don't get me wrong, there's still more to be done there. I don't know how many coin-purses, beachbags and camping igloos need to be created per month in order to use up all of that shit in the street, but I'm sure it's a LOT... a lot more than are currently being hurled into the gutters.

(There is also the mindset factor, to be sure.)

But anyway.... the other thing I notice everywhere in the street???

FRUIT WASTE.

It's unbelievable. Mango rinds, banana peels, and the husks of those strange-looking red fruits with the spiny shells... what the heck are the called?

(La Gringa? Help me out here) It looks like this:

Anyway, here's my idea:

There's tons of farming happening on the north coast. Obviously the biggest is none other than Dole (aka Standard Fruit) growing acres upon zillions of acres of pineapple, just to the west of the city. Aside from them, there are myriad small farmers, some of whom are operating at subsistence levels.

What about providing some sort of compost service? Maybe kids or others could be paid to collect organic waste from the streets and deliver it to some location for composting?

I dunno. I'm sure there's no money in it, and it's nasty work on top of that. Nevertheless, it's something to think about... and the city would smell so much better without rotting fruit everywhere.

More Trash Talk!

2006-09-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, for those of you who don't know me personally or well, I have a confession to make:

I am obsessed with trash.

I hate it, and yet I love it.

I hate that we (Americans, Hondurans, and other assorted humans around the world) produce so much of it, but I am fascinated by things like recycling, composting, dumpster-diving, and trash-art.

So, as you may have guessed from my previous post on Basura Bags, (see the links category on the left) I am always delighted to find creative methods for dealing with the incredible litter problem in Honduras.

I saw another cool thing on Utila this past summer, and have been googling my brains out in an effort to locate more info. It was a beach bar (or something) being constructed out of pop bottles.

Well today I found and actual-factual reference to the guy who started doing it!

*happy sigh*

If I ever build a structure in Honduras, I pledge to you all right here and now, my fine readers, that pop bottles will represent at least SOME architectural component. It will go smashingly with my chip-bag woven throw rugs, to be sure.

By the way, if you're interested, here is the company website, which is in Spanish.

See what you can find on the internet?

2006-09-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

While searching for information about the store my aunt mentioned in San Pedro Sula, I came across this interesting article about the history of Palestinians in Honduras.

And now for some pics

2006-09-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

This unassuming little house is located one block inland from the Hotel Parthenon, in what I assume is Barrio La Isla. The owner is from Roatan and she built the house for her son who apparently decided that Honduras is for the birds... the asking price is US$65,000.

It's certainly okay, and considering the fact that I have become a specialist in turning crap to cute, I would not immediately dismiss this choice, were it not for what I perceive to be a ridiculous price. Considering the size and sketchiness factor of the location, I would be inclined to offer something in the neighborhood of $30k for this little cottage.

(By the way, yes, those are indeed chickens in the foreground. We gotta get eggs for the crepe batter somewhere, right??)

These are condos (townhomes?) that were recently constructed across the street from that spendy little house. Per my realtor extraordinaire, they are currently going for "150-200."
As I indicated in the previous post, I didn't bother to ask her if that was in the thousands of dollars. I assume so, considering the fact that she never quoted a single thing in lempira.

I find these prices to be rather, uh, interesting.

The above is a shop right across from the central park in downtown. To my knowledge it is neither for sale nor lease at this moment, but I wanted to get some shots because my aunt tells me that she and others have long mused about how it would be a great spot for a restaurant. Apparently the space has seen quite a bit of turnover, so for all we know it may come vacant again in the near term.

It's not my ideal in terms of architecture, but it's a great location, and as you can (kind of) see from the photo, the land to the left is vacant, and it was speculated that perhaps I could enquire as to a lease for use as a patio area. (I am bound and determined to have an outdoor space, whether it be patio or champa [rooftop bar] such that I can employ my rusty container gardening skills onsite.)

By the way, it looks kind of small from the above pic, right? That's an illusion.
It's freakin' HUGE.

See?

It also has parking.

Ho Hum.

I guess if we're hanging around for a number of months as has been recommended, we can wait to see if this place opens up.

It sure is ugly though, I gotta say...

The Trip! (And a notice about La Gringa's Blog)

2006-09-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

La Gringa's Blogicito is currently experiencing technical difficulties as a result of switching to Beta. Please see LG's temporary blog at http://blogicito.blogspot.com.

AND NOW FOR THE TRIP:

What a whirlwind! After subtracting nearly two entire days for travel, I ended up with three full days in La Ceiba. They were jam-packed.

Tuesday night:

I popped into the "gringo bar" to chat with the owner. He is clearly desperate to sell. Unfortunately his price, recently lowered to US$18,000 is still too high for what it is. He does not own the location, and so basically he wants me to pay the above price for the "name" (which I don't want, nor do I want his clientele) and equipment... hardly worth $5k in my opinion. Oh, and the owner is also about to leave the country, and wanted a deposit on the place by Friday.

WhatEVER.

I told him I'd ponder the situation and get back to him by Thursday. (In other words, think up a good way to say hell no to the guy.)

After that little chat, I headed over to Maxim's in La Quinta Hotel for dinner. Per Moon Handbooks Honduras guide, it's one of the nicest restaurants in town, vying with Ricardo's for class and quality.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

OMG it was terrible. First of all, the ambiance is reminiscent of a Chinese all-you-can-eat buffet in any nameless suburban strip-mall. Glaring fluorescent lights, dusty fake foliage everywhere, and a bizarre table centerpiece which consisted of styrofoam pears and apples sprayed in pink and gold glitter.

There was no wine list, which struck me as curious since Moon also indicated that Maxim's has an impressive wine selection. Hmm. I asked the waiter if they had wine, and he nodded vigorously. I asked what kind. Tinto y blanco. Uh, okay. I ordered a glass of vino tinto and the surf & turf. In the meantime, I made notes in my journal and watched ants crawl around the table.

Shortly the waiter returned to inform me that there was in fact no vino tinto in the house, would I like blanco instead? Uh, fine. He brought it in a champagne flute.

Next came the bread. Tiny biscuits of the pre-frozen variety, which had clearly been microwaved, as they were molten hot and rubbery. A miniature plastic ramekin of margarine accompanied them. This was an appropriate segue to the surf & turf, which manifested itself in the form of a shoe-leather steak, (tenderloin my ass!) cooked to death, a "scrod" (unidentified whitefish) fillet and some okay-ish shrimp. The ubiquitous broccoli/carrot/cauliflower mix, drowning in margarine, completed the presentation. All in all, quite dissappointing. (But at least I know that my place will HAVE to be a hit, because the food will beat everyone else's in town!)

Wednesday:

Met an American (expat) real estate agent at the Hotel Paris for breakfast. She came wheezing in with a young Honduran woman (associate? helper?) and the woman's toddler in tow. The agent did not appear to be in good health. She sat down and began to tell me about how she just got out of the hospital for pneumonia, and by the way, (noticing my cigarettes on the table) if I smoke she will simply have to leave because she's terribly allergic. Mmm-kay, anyway...

As the associate/helper/whatever lady flirts with the waiter and her kid eats Equal packets and tries to drown herself in the pool, the agent launches into a speech about how there are no good restaurants in La Ceiba aside from Mango Tango, and don't I want to consider buying a buildable lot since most of the buildings in town are way out of my price range? I tell her that I do not want to build. We finish our breakfast and go for a tour.

The first place she shows me is the $90k fixer-upper house that I told her was overpriced. It's less than centrally located, about a block from the stadium on the east (?) end of town. She tells me that it sold immediately, because it was "so cheap." Next stop, a small, two bedroom house in (I think?) Barrio La Isla, one block inland from the Parthenon Hotel. She tells me that the new condos across the street are selling for "150-200." I'm assuming she means in the thousands of US dollars, but I didn't ask for clarification. The house is okay, but only one story and she suggests that I can build a champa on top. The asking price is US$65,000.

Next stop is a vacant lot near the estuary. Small. $80,000. Nope.

Final lap, we go past a lovely (though broken down) wood house right in the center of town. It's enormous. $750,000. I nearly choked. Later I heard that someone had estimated the rehab cost on that house to be in excess of Lps1,000,000. ($50k-ish?) Anyway...

Finally she took me to see the shop called Fiesta Imports, just for fun. That was probably the most useful stop on our tour. I learned that I can buy Tahini and bulk products there. Excellent. I walked back to the hotel, since the agent lived right across the street from Fiesta and wanted to go home.

Hmph.

Later that evening I went to my aunt's house in Naranjal for dinner. When I arrived, she was in the process of garnishing a salad with (gasp!) Morroccan cured olives!!! She told me that there's a shop in San Pedro Sula where you can get a variety of Middle Eastern and Mediterranean products such as olives and cheeses. I was DELIGHTED! I also learned that pita is available in town, so as far as I was concerned, things were definitely looking up.

Thursday:

Went to meet with the owner of that silly bar and break the news that I would not be coughing up any cash for him the following day. I wished him luck and he wished me the same. That was the end of that.

Walked the town, took pics of some buildings of interest, sweated my ass off. Paid a visit to the Rainforest Gift Shop, where not much had changed since the last time I was there. They had one single copy of Moon Handbooks Honduras Guide, priced at US$30. (US retail is $17.95)

In the evening, I returned to my aunt's house, where she had organized a dinner for me and several of her friends that she thought might have information and advice to offer. Her friends included the director and several employees of an English language school in town, as well as a writer and the wife of a furniture maker from Louisiana. It was a very enjoyable evening, the ladies were all very nice, and had lots to say about living in La Ceiba, and living as expats. (Well, those who were expats themselves, anyway.)

Friday:

I had coffee with La Gringa! She is the cooooooooooolest, but then my readers probably all know this already from having seen her blog. We had coffee at Giarre's and talked about some of her experiences living as an expat in Honduras, as well as the technicalities of transporting things like personal effects, cars, pets, and seeds for gardening. We stayed past the restaurant closing - they had cleared everything away right down to the ashtray and we stil sat there chatting! It was excellent.

After coffee, I raced off to join a happy hour gathering of the Mazapan school at the newly-reopened Expatriates bar. It was soooooooooooo NOT FINISHED! There was no rail on the long flight of stairs up to the rooftop bar, and when my poor aunt reached out to the wall to steady herself for the climb, we discovered that the paint was still wet. (!) When we got to the top of the stairs, workmen were still roughing in tiles. We had to step over them, and still got quite a bit of clay-ish grout stuff all over ourselves. I asked where the bathroom was to wash my hands (the spot where it used to be is now an extension of the new kitchen) and was told that there was no sink as of yet. At least they let me wash my hands in the kitchen.

I learned lots more about the availability of stuff like specialty foods and supplies during this gathering, and also that one of the employees of the school has a wife who recently graduated from Chef school. (And she's not yet employed in Honduras - Yay!)

My cousin's father-in-law advised me to live six months in the country before investing a penny. Interesting. I don't know if I'm patient enough for that, but we'll see how things go.

But the very BEST part of the evening was when he (my cousin's father in law) turned to me and said "you want to talk to a consulate about the residency thing? Hold on." He leans back in his chair and taps a guy on the shoulder at the next table over. "There's two of 'em right here. Why don't you go ask them some questions?"

So I did!

And guess what?

I asked them all the same Qs about whether I should go for rentista or investor residency, they hemmed and hawwed, blah blah blah, until finally one of them was like: "why don't you just get the regular residency?"

Uh...... what? Regular? Regular residency? What's that?

FFS.

I couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes when I realized that they were serious, and that I've managed to complicate and stress over something completely uneccessary for who knows how many months now. DUH!

And that about sums it up. I left the following morning with a new plan to stop planning so much, and just move down there and see how everything flows.

Whew!

I hate yahoo in Latin America

2006-09-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

Why does yahoo mail NEVER work for me in Latin America??

This is truly one of the world´s complex mysteries. The dang thing won´t load my mail page... just like it hasn´t for the past 4 years of trips to Honduras. (A conspiracy of hotels and internet cafes? Who knows?)

Anyway, to those who expected an email from me today (LL) - sorry. I tried. I am alive and well at the Hotel Gran Paris.

Wheee!

Can I just say...

2006-09-13T09:49:00.000-07:00

...That today did NOT BEGIN WELL????

Oh mama.

So today is inspection day. (i.e. my buyer is going through the building with an inspector for the purposes of verifying that it's not, in fact, a total peice of crap.)

As I'm going out my front door to give the apt keys to the buyer, I hear the inspector begin a rant about the quality of my concrete steps. Ay, we're starting off well, eh? It get's better! As I'm going back into my apartment, I notice a note taped to my door:

Dear Connie,
I don't know what happened but there's water coming into our
kitchen from above and our ceiling has a big crack in it! Can you
fix?
Sincerely,
Jeanne

Ohhhhhh... boy. I snatched that note off with the quickness and glanced around guiltily.

Why todayyyyyyyyyyyy????

And THEN, the check engine light comes on in my car. I have no clue wtf that is about, but I guess I need to fix it before another potential buyer comes to look at it... grrr...

whywhywhy????

ACK!

Whatever!!!

2006-09-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

Can everybody see my page now? Both text and background?

One of my friendly neighborhood bloggers couldn't see the background, so I changed again... hopefully this one works for all!

BS ALERT

2006-09-12T13:48:00.000-07:00

This was just too funny not to share...

Per my cousin, who received an email from his peeps in La Ceiba (he grew up there) some kind of crazy storm raged over the sea between the mainland and the Bay Islands last night, (or was it the night before?) and people reported a mysterious red light that "hovered" and periodically dipped into the water.

Hmmm...

Also, apparently these things were found on Guanaja:

Clearly the aliens must be allergic to sandflies. That'll teach 'em...

In La Ceiba NEXT WEEK!

2006-09-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

Wheee!

I will be in La Ceiba next Tuesday! I figured that five days would be adequate to run around and talk to people, but as I squint at my ticket and really pay attention to the travel days, I realize that what I actually have is THREE DAYS. Argh!

So much to do, so little time...

(BTW, I am trying a larger font size with this post... readability continues to be an issue. Damn computers.)

Now that you all think I'm fickle...

2006-09-11T16:42:00.000-07:00

Yep, I changed the blogskin again.

I liked the blue one, but it was impossible to read the comments and I couldn't figure out how to add post titles back in. So, it had to go! This one, incidentally, is a stock blogger template, but for some reason it isn't shown in the choices on the dashboard.

Okay, enough blog babble now, I'm tired of css and html and copy-pasting.

Back to Honduras!!!

2006-09-11T12:54:00.001-07:00

MORE LAWYER TALK!

In spite of having emailed more than four attorneys so far, I remain at one response. (The one I pasted into a previous post on residency.)

Many of the messages have bounced back to me. It is soooo frustrating.

So far, the only name that has come up more than once is Felipe Danzilo. I emailed him at fdanzilo@gbm.hn and that message came back to me, so I sent him another message at fdanzilo@honduraslaw.hn. (I found the second one via google... but I have no idea if it's older or newer or what.) I also emailed two Honduras list-servs to enquire as to whether anyone had more current info for Mr. Danzilo.

We shall see...

And then I received a message telling me that I would be "ALOT [sic] happier" if I used a gentleman by the name of Jose Oswaldo Guillen. Per the recommender (is that a word?) Mr. Guillen is a former Secretary General to the Minister of Justice and was an advisor to President Maduro.

So I emailed him too... what the heck?

2006-09-10T19:10:00.000-07:00

THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!

The Bundu Cafe (on Utila) is for sale.

Why can't there be anything like this in La Ceiba?

This is a wayyyyy better deal than "the gringo bar" even though the sale price is higher. The rent is half, and they do FIVE YEAR LEASES, and the place clearly cashflows, even on minimalistic hours of operation. (I've been there a few times, and it IS a good spot.)

AND they have commercial grade equipment, unlike my dear Bobby at the gringo bar.

I've half a mind to make them an offer... even though it would entail scuttling my plan I had for a La Ceiba tourist emporium...

Argh!

2006-09-10T11:28:00.000-07:00

AND THE VEHICLE QUESTION...

How and when to bring a car to Honduras???

After discussing the residency problem with many different individuals, I have come to the conclusion that it will (probably) be best to work through the process while we are IN the country.
But now the problem is - how do we bring a vehicle and some of our more necessary items (computers, my ESPRESSO MACHINE and soforth) when we have yet to acquire the residency dispensation?

According to this article by Wendy Griffin, it is possible (though arduous) to drive your vehicle to Honduras and have it there for some temporary period without "nationalizing" it and paying a bunch. The article, however, was written in 1998... so goodness knows what has changed since then.

Hmmmm....

2006-09-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

READY, SET GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Offer accepted!

Closing 10/16!

I should be in La Ceiba by November 1!

(if not beforehand)

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks!

A new look!

2006-09-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

I just felt like changing stuff up... especially since I was one of THREE Honduras-bloggers with the same dang template!

(And I really wanted to use that sweet maracas pic.)

I hope it's readable.

UPDATE -

I have no more titles??? WTF???

Okay maybe this blog skin won't last after all... grrr I WANT POST TITLES!

As the anxiety sets in...

2006-09-08T12:11:00.000-07:00

I spoke with my Minnesota realtor today, and she said that she anticipates having an offer on my place by the end of the day. Apparently the two interested parties have both enquired with her about writing a purchase agreement.

So why do I feel like I just ate a bag of ice cubes?

Ugh.

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

Okay. I'm better now.

Here we go...

And now for some pics

2006-09-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

Returning to La Ceiba on the Utila Princess... what a view!

I think he's giving me the finger, bird-style.

Yes... that flying insect TOTALLY KILLED A TARANTULA.
(...and is dragging it along happily... to do what? I have NO CLUE.)

What the hell kinda tree is this???

My attempt at artistic photography in Copan Ruinas.

I totally heart mossy rocks.

Cool Stuff Alert

2006-09-07T11:25:00.000-07:00

I found the potato chip purses!!!

*happy sigh*

They're awefully pricy, but I still want to have a few for the shop. It's such a wonderful concept, and as most of my friends will tell you, I have a bizarre obsession with trash.

Now if only I could construct the shop itself out of littered pop-bottles... hmmm.

RESTLESS!

2006-09-06T15:34:00.000-07:00

I am soooooo ready to go.

It might be the weather, or the fact that I look at the vegetables in my garden and wonder if I should cut them now or later (small zukes rock!) because maybe I won't be around to see them to maturity...

Or maybe it's the fact that my house is ready to go, the showings abound, and my once-vociferous email campaign to people in Honduras is petering out as I am now repeatedly told "well you really just have to get down here to get the answers you want..."

I wanna GO NOWWWWWW!

dammit.

I am bored. I am restless. I still have two cars to sell and nobody's biting. Argh.

Nevertheless, I dutifully tapped out a few more emails today, and am hopeful about gaining further info. The most recent correspondence relates to suppliers for the retail portion of the shop. I emailed a coffee producer (still gonna hit a couple more) to enquire about bulk purchases as well as whether fully-automatic esspresso machines can be used in Honduras, where potable water is an issue. I also emailed another store owner (in Copan, hopefully far enough away to not consider me competition) to ask about her contacts with local villagers who produce unique handicrafts that I would like to buy.

Oh, and of course I still have emails pending (e.g. unanswered) with a few lawyers.

So now I am just sitting around, tapping my foot, hoping for something to happen.

Gawwwwwd, I am impatient!

EEEEEKS... DRUGS & GOSSIP!

2006-09-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm getting lots of gossip.

Don't get me wrong - this is GOOD, I think. I mean, knowledge is power, right? I am trying to be a sponge... soaking up every detail, every anecdote, every story, every email. It all has value. I emerge from every conversation with a greater, more multi-dimensional perspective on this cliff from which I am about to jump....

...right?

So:

The conversation du jour is about drugs. Or, put more specifically, the illegal drug trade on the north coast of my beloved Honduras.

*inhales deeply to quell the anxiety*

*exhales*

Okay, I'm ready:

So I KNOW that a vigorous drug trade exists in La Ceiba, and of course on the Bay Islands as well. Why, it was just today that I read about some narcotraficantes apparently landing on Utila's strip last May... (As if Utila's police ---[they have police?]--- can deal with a Cessna full of armed narcos.... but anyway, as usual, I digress.)

So I'm chatting tonight with a Ceiba resident, and she's telling me about how the Zona Viva is not only overrun with drugs (yeah I noticed that) but also that the reason real estate is so pricy along that shitty, weedy, buggy, hooker-infested coast (sorry all) is that the NARCOTRAFICANTES are laundering their flippin' dough through real estate transactions along the strip.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SHIT.

Can I start whining now? Please?

I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally wanted to have my business in the Zona Viva!!!

So now it's not only an issue of not being able to afford it, (prices starting above $100k and that's a vacant lot, if you're lucky) but evidently even if I GET a place over there, I'm gonna have to worry about Pablo Escobar's Honduran protege messing with me?

Ayyyyyyyyyyyy... crap.

****Disclaimer****

I know that it's probably not this bad, and others operate there businesses there without getting killed or (hopefully??) extorted... but bear with me here, cuz it's a day-to-day roller-coaster ride as I soak up all the info and become momentarily dramatic.

****End Disclaimer****

So back to the story - in addition to hearing about how the Zona Viva sucks and is scary and all of that, I also got some good gossip about who hates who, and whose restaurant is shitty and soforth.

In some ways, I must say that I love this. I LOVE getting the inside scoop. On the other hand, it's a bit nerve-wracking, because I'm not even THERE YET, and I see deep fissures in this small, expat community. So I cannot help but ask myself - where will I fall in all of this? Am I hearing all sides of the story? (surely not)

Will I get sucked in? (Please God, Noooo!)

I think I need to pop some good old Act II popcorn and watch Letterman or the dependable American hookers outside my building... or something... I gotta relax!

And today... Fun with Residency!

2006-09-03T11:22:00.000-07:00

Alright people, I am so thoroughly confused on this residency business I could scream!

If I could get even JUST TWO people telling me the same thing it would be amazing...

Here's the problem in a nutshell:

I cannot figure out whether I need rentista or investor status, nor what the exact specifications/requirements/benefits are of either one. Everywhere I go I hear something different.

So I was under the impression that "rentista" residency was for people (non-retirees!) who had a documentable income stream (from outside of the country) of US$1,000 or more. (I also thought that retirees - "jubilados" - only had to have US$600)

Then I hear from another person that rentistas merely have to exchange US$1,000 into Lemps every month, and that furthermore, it doesn't even have to be monthly like clockwork, but can be spread out over time, for example if you change $5k to do something in particular, you're good for five months...

NOW, I am told that rentista status actually requires US$2,500 per month of documentable outside income.

Mmm-kay....

So let's look at investor status now. What I learned from various documents scrounged up on the internet was that a potential investor had to:

a) submit all sortsa docs regarding the potential business
b) submit a refundable (AFTER ONE YEAR) US$5,000 deposit with the Ministry of Tourism
c) have invested US$25,000 in Honduras at the time of application for status, and
d) ultimately invest a minimum of US$50,000 in said business

Okay.

So....

There are a zillion questions rolling around in my mind about all of the above, so I decided to email some people and enquire about their own experiences. I received a hodge-podge of different answers, but the vast majority of people simply said:

"You need to contact an attorney about these issues!"

Okay, fine. Thanks.

So I emailed three different lawyers, as well as the tourism person at the DC Embassy. I just received my first response from one of the lawyers, and this was it:

It would be in your interest to file for a residency if married before, so

1) retiree=proof of $1500 monthly income

2) investor= proof of $2500 monthly income plus show $50,000 investment in Honduras

With both residencies you can bring household goods and vehicle (along with set fee for each one) and with No.1 residency you can invest in tourism/agricultural projects like anyone else.

Fees for either residency are usually $5,000 and $4,000 to set up corporations with the minimum investment (including all expenses and legal fees.)

If interested let me know. Sincerely, XXX XXXX, Attorney

Ummmmm.... what?

First of all, what happened to rentista? Is it now the same as jubilado?? And second of all, investors now have to maintain an income stream from outside of the country AS WELL AS invest $50,000??

I am soooooooooo confused....

Exciting Times

2006-09-02T11:58:00.000-07:00

Well it looks as though one of my tenants may end up buying my building. I'm trying not to get too excited yet, but he expressed interest immediately when I gave them all the news that I was selling, and then this morning I received an email from him confirming that his mother is going to help him with the downpayment and he will be submitting an offer next week.

Whoo-hoo!

I am so pleased to hear this, because I really want the future owner of this place to love it as much as I have, and to live here and take care of it. He could definitely be that person. My only concern is that he can come up with the dough... he seems confident though, so we shall see!

In other news, I have been emailing with a variety of individuals in Honduras, and am immensely gratified by the positive responses I've gotten back. I mean, I have contacted people who have NO IDEA who I am or what I'm about, and yet for the most part they have been friendly and helpful, recommending everything from attorneys, to advice on residency, to potential businesses I could purchase.

:-)

:-)

:-)

Hooray for nice people!

OOPS!

2006-09-01T07:48:00.000-07:00

Uh, well, I guess I'm glad not to be in Ceiba quite yet!

A message from Marco of www.projecthonduras.com:

It was reported in today’s edition of La Prensa that
there has been a malfunction in La Ceiba’s sewage
water system, causing a discharge of untreated sewage
water into the city’s streets and beaches. There
exists the possibility that sewage water will also
pose a threat to homes that are connected to the
municipal water system. The malfunction is due to
damaged pumps in the central collection system. The
municipal government has ordered replacement pumps,
which are estimated to cost Lps 350,000 ($18,400). The
city’s environmental health expert, Bernard Martínez
is advising people to avoid swimming in La Ceiba’s
coastal waters.

Marco

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.... WOW!

2006-08-31T18:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not really into posting articles, generally, cuz frankly I'm egotistical like that - I prefer the sound of my OWN voice... er... keyboard tapping... as it were.

Anyway, today I must make an exception. What follows is a lonnnnng, random, rambling, bizarro "article" I discovered on Roatan Online, and in keeping with my pledge to share all the details of this wacky journey to La Ceiba, I feel compelled to post it here.

What is the relevance, you ask?

Two words: "Bob's bar."

Yep. That's the bar... the crappy one with the loan shark guy.

LMFAO

Enjoy:

Tales of Honduras From a Frequent Visitor

A bit of Honduras culture, this is a completely unedited story sent to me by a friend. I found it lively and fascinating, with maybe a little O.Henry flavor. Hope you do, too. Read it if you dare!
J. McMillin, ROL

Part One

All of this story I am relaying as I saw it and is based on what I saw and heard. The opinions expressed in this story are of the people in this story. Do not flame me for any parts you do not agree with.

On my flight down to SPS, in then seat next to me, there was a fellow. Seeing as I had some time on my hands I struck up a conversation with him. He was coming down to Honduras to buy over stock in the clothing factories. He didn't own a business but worked for another person. This was great, I got to ask some questions about the maqudoris in Honduras. Now my first one was, are the maquiladoras leaving Honduras? The answer was, this was the natural ebb and flow of the industry. Some companies have gone out of business and others have moved to other countries. Now what about the crime rate, has that hastened the leaving of the maquiladoras? I was told that the crime rate in Honduras is no worse then other countries. In Guad there is a factory where they have a soccer field out back. All the people who leave the building at lunch to play, have to go through a metal detector when they come back in. This was done because on one payday, someone snuck in a gun and robbed the paymaster of the entire payroll. So I have more pieces of the riddle. Now when I touched down in SPS, I cashed a traveler check and bought a ticket to La Ceiba. Headed up stairs and well was going to wait for my flight in the bar. So I was kicking back with a Flora de Cana with coke, I met a couple of other travelers. The first one was a woman who I am guessing was a Brit and lived in Amsterdam. We basically chatted about computers and traveling. She was so excited to be going to Roatan. It was her first trip to Honduras and she had tons of film. Of course her family thought she was nuts to go. Then a French Canadian woman joined us. I must admit I was attracted to her due to her huge green cat eyes. She had told us that she was going to be in country for a couple of months. Now for these people it was their first trip to Honduras and I gave them some words of advice of what to see and do while in country. I had good laugh that they keep saying our flight was at 1:15 and its already 1:30. Has the flight been canceled? I had to say that sooner or later we would get to our destination. Finally they did call out the flight and we made our way to the plane. As we boarded out flight, another had just landed and they were going to come on our plane. Now our ship was full. The first stop was going to be La Ceiba. As we made our way the French Canadian woman sat next to me and I would swear that she was flirting with me. I told her to check out the main land and where she could find me. In the long run, I never did see her again. I checked into the Flamingo hotel and made my way down to Bob's bar. He was glad to see me again. He had asked me to bring some Whitman sampler chocolates for his wife. From what I guess although they had chocolate but didn't have Whitman types. Actually I was told to make good impression on women, give them a Whitman sampler. Last time I was down there, Bob and me were talking about putting a casino in his bar. I had done some legwork and sent him some pricing, but it went nowhere. Now Bob had suggested that he wanted to see me again. I was thinking maybe he had some new ideas on a new bar. In the past he talked about a nice city close to the border and it was ripe for new bar. Well when Bob and me talked it appeared that he was closing shop and leaving Honduras for good. After he leaves there will be no gringo bars in La Ceiba. I interjected that the ex-pat bar was still there and Bob said that it's not really a bar but a restaurant and the clientele was Honduran. Now I had asked him what was the border town he was talking about before. He had told me the town was Omoa. Basically I was told it is a pretty town with the mountains right behind it. It seem that there was 3 gringo bars there already, but Bob didn't have enough money to open a new bar and I didn't want to totally finance him.

Well as it was told to me that in the last 18 to 24 months no new gringos have moved to La Ceiba and well some people have left and others have died and nobody has taken their place. The only real gringos that come to La Ceiba are back packers and at the most they spend is roughly $20 for the couple days they are there. When Bob was running Dieters old bar, the people who ran Queens's burger wanted Bob out. They saw Bob as competition. Now that Bob was gone his business has dropped off and the middle of the week it's closed. Although they cant see it but its best there is a few bars right next to each other. Draws more people in and they can bar hop. The reason Bob left was the rent was too high and he had to leave. The bar now is empty and has been for a while. Every so often Bob would see the owners and would remind them of the money they have lost by not dropping the price. Every so often I went to look at the bar and thought about days gone with Dieter.

Now looking around town I was told basically every business was for sale. One common thread was that the people want an exorbitant price and would come down on the price. Now I was really interested in the ex-pat bar. Bob had told me that it was put on the market for fifty thousand American. Well there were no takers and the price steadily dropped until it got to eight thousand. At this point he decided not to sell and stick it out. Basically the thinking is that in two years La Ceiba would be back. Now I was told that Gonzales had gotten out of jail.

The Gonzales who was sorta partner with Dieter and was in jail on drug changes in the USA. He is selling the complete flamingo block. The hotel, liquor store, conference room, Internet kiosk and what's left of Dieters bar. He will hand over the keys to everything to you (all inventories included) for the low price of 800K American. Bob and me talked about it. We were thinking that everything should be connected so you wouldn't have to leave the hotel complex. The second floor would have to be finished and the conference room should be turned into a casino. It would cost a few dollars to turn it around. That asking price was just a little too much. Of course the subject of Dieter came up. One of the biggest mistakes he made was going into partnership with Gonzales. The woman who was with Dieter when he was murdered was forced back onto the streets as a prostitute. She lived in the back of Bob's bar for a week. She finally got an apartment and then one-day she disappeared and left all her clothing behind. It was said this was totally out of character. When women moves on, at least they take their clothing. The scuttlebutt was that she too was murdered and buried in an unmarked grave. Dead men (or women) tell no tales.Top of Page

Part Two

Seeing as Bob was leaving Honduras soon, sometimes he became rather bitter and resentful. He had tried everything he knew to stay but had to go. He came to Honduras 5 years ago with 40K American and a dream. When he was in the service and based in Comayagua. He used to come to La Ceiba all the time. Of course his dream was opening a gringo bar. I am sure at the time it was a good idea. Now with no gringos coming or moving in, his dreamed turned to dust. Sometimes he did talk about it. He was telling me that the learning curve was really steep in running a business and he had learned quite a bit in the time he was there. The only problem is, it's too late for him. It seemed that now he almost had distaste for a lot of Hondurans. Even though he spoke fluent Spanish, he could not make any close friendship with any Hondurans and was always seen as an outsider. Even to his suppliers, he was the last on the list. I had told Bob that when he was there, I got good service from the bar wenches but when he was gone. It was more or less self-service.

Also I noticed that sometimes that my bill was questionable. He told me that the reason a lot of companies were leaving Honduras is and going to Costa Rica is lack of good workers. Then he asked me did I ever wonder why some people pay for their drinks when they are served and never run a tab? He knew what the problems were but couldn't do a thing about it. Now Bob was telling me that he had checked into the Coco hotel for a short time. Now the security guard afterwards came up to him and said that he had his license plate and was going to tell his wife. Bob said go for it but I will cut your throat before you get a chance. He told the owners of the hotel and that security guard had somewhat disappeared and never to be seen again. One thing I loved to do is to show up in the bar at noon with my video camera and every time a pretty girl walked by I took some video of her. God it was a great place to hang out. Usually someone came in and we would chat and have a few drinks. There was Mac. Now he came from the Caymans and had some kind of business in Honduras.

Not sure of what and I am not the man to ask too many questions. Real nice guy, very easy going. He was telling me that he made friends with a man who lived on Guanaja and could get a sweet deal on a nice house with land. Later that month he had a trip planned to see some relatives in Costa Rica and he kept asking me if I want to live in his house while he was gone. He didn't feel comfortable going and leaving his house unattended. He had to go to some family reunion or something like that. Now he was going by bus to the Pacific coast of CR and he had large bills he hit me up to change a $50 on to smaller bills. Seeing as he was going to Costa Rica I asked him about some cheap places in CR. Now he told me that if I hit the pacific coast I could probably would find some small and cheap towns. He said one town called San Ysido, but I can't find it on a map. As in always sales people would come in to the bar.

Now there was this mother and child team that would always come in. each one carrying some wares. Mac had bought a small wind up dog that scurried along. We put it up on the railing and had it go back and forth. After he was done with it. He gave it to one of the waitress for their child. Later on a female Cayman had joined us. Mac had told me that her and her husband were worth quite a bit of money. This woman was so hilarious. She told me that the reason her husband stayed with her is because she had a biting pussy! There is nothing like a biter! Later on she was telling me this is the way she jokes with people. Also there was Tom, now Tom lived in the Philippines and actually came to Honduras for a vacation. Now from what he was telling me is that he was married and had a Philippine wife. Some times things got so crazy there that he had to leave to straighten his head out.

All the time I noticed that something heavy hanged over his head. We would be joking and he would say what the f**k am I doing with my life. I mean he always found ways to interject this into the conversation. One time he tried on Mac's glasses and looked at his cigarette pack and said look here it says what the f**k am you doing with your life and then let out a barrel laugh. Finally when it was just he and I, he told me that his wife was putting a lot of pressure on him to come to America so she could be an American citizen. He could do it but if she divorced him then he would be ruined financially. To tell you the truth I found him quite odd. He constantly told me the difference between Honduras and the Philippines and how much cheaper it was there. Its almost the same but different. For a $1000 a month he had a house, wife with a son and two maids. Actually made me wanted to see that country. The only thing is the heat and he said it was HOT and HUMID there.

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Part Three

While we sat in the front of Bob’s bar there was this German who rode past on his motor cycle. Not once but multiple times during the day. He never stopped in, just gave us a crazy type of stare. Well we made a game out of it. There was a place where the planks joined on the patio and whenever he passed that line it was counted as one. If he turned just before it, it was not. Actually people got into it and asked what was the count. From what I was told he owned property and liked to keep an eye on it, but I thought he was just plain nuts. Now Al (you know from my previous stories) was still welcome in Bob’s bar. Generally he was in a good mood. Always joking and god every time a woman passed by it was mi amor. It seemed that there was always women hanging around him.

One time a shrimp salesman came by and Al had bought a couple pounds. All the while when the man was weighing out the shrimp. Al kept reminding him that he was buying shrimp and not the water. I was invited to Al’s house but I was so tired that day and couldn’t make it. One night Al was at the bar and talking to some strangers. From what I heard is. It was their first visit to Honduras and they had spent most of the time on Utila. Al had bought them a drink. They were so surprised on how friendly people were. Now I have a baseball cap that says La Ceiba on the front. I had showed it to them and asked them were they think I got it from. Of course they said right here. Oh no, I had it custom made in Boston. That started some laughing. Then Bob interjected, ano Ed you found that on the street when some taxi driver drove over it and I said then a dog was trying to rip it apart (while shaking the hat, like a dog would do to a rag). This created a howl of laughter. I tried to buy them another drink but they said no. Al told them to be careful in walking around La Ceiba at night.

Now back to Al. Although Al liked me and the others in the bar. Sometime other people just rubbed him the wrong way. One time some youth was talking to one of the waitresses and Al just got up and yelled at him to get the f**k out of here. Now this guy came around and started to argue with Al. I had my video camera and started it up and I wanted to tape this. Now the man became agitated when he saw me taping. He yelled that he wanted no pictures of him and that included videos. Some kind of personal belief. I was more thinking that it was police wanting him for something. Of course Al was yelling at him to get the hell away from here. The man was saying that he had a gun at home and could get it. Al said go for it and come back. Finally he did leave and went to the bar next door. Now I wanted to tape the bar across the street. Al had this deaf mute buddy and he told him to watch over me.

The people in the bar across the street were always playing a form of dominos. I sat down and ordered up a drink and put a wide angle lens on my camera. Of course that punk came over to my table now. He was going on and on about how he wanted two beers. To get rid of him I gave him 10 lemps (big mistake). Now I was warned that taping the people would not be a good idea. So I left and went back to Bob’s. Guess who had followed me. Well he was going on and on again about the two beers. I spied Al in the corner of my eye and motioned for him. Now I could see Al was pissed because this punk came into the bar. He ran over and got right in his face. When I say got in his face, he was no more then 3 inches away. Then let out a out a string of adjectives I can’t repeat here. More like, listen you mother****** I will tear you a new ******. You are nothing but a piece of **** and so is your mother. Note, even that was cleaned up. This punk didn’t even get a word in and left. I know that was a smart move on his part. Al was known for backing up his mouth. One thing I have noticed is that a lot of the gringos were very suspicious of local men in their twenties and really didn’t want them even near them. I was told a story about Al. He always carried a large walking stick, but it looked closer to an ax handle. One time he was arguing with a taxi driver about the fare and the driver took a machete and Al got the stick up faster and the machete stuck in it. Both of them backed down.

One time when a lot of painted ladies came in and hung around Al. He goaded me into taking a lot of picture of him and the ladies. Well I was in some of them too. I have his address and I am going to send him a copy of the pictures. The painter did come into the bar. Now I had asked him if he was still painting. He said yes more or less, but the big thing he was doing now was cooking. He would take a pork loin and soaked it in a brine for four days and then took it to another man and have it smoked for 4 days. Supposedly it was quite a ham. Also he was making homemade cheesecakes. Heck he even was making the boxes by hand. From what I guess his cooking business was doing well. From what I heard the judge does not come in any more. He was paying his tab on a monthly basis. Well one month he felt the waitress was padding the bill and was too high. He refused to pay the bill and was not welcome anymore.

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Part Four

Every so often there was this women who hung out at the back of bobs bar. A smokey black latin mix. Tall and thin, with hair that was short and always tied back. Always wore nice clothing. Looked somewhat like Sade. Now from what I have been told about her. A Swedish man had met up with her and was so enchanted with her beauty that he got her a really nice apartment and gave her an allowance. He would come back time to time to see her with the understanding that she would only see him. The way she looked at me is the way a well fed lion looks at a gazelle. I did see her in cherries and she had a um little herd with her. More or less a dozen women who wore the same clothing, hairstyle and makeup.

Now I had mentioned her to someone in the bar and they said she still fools around but is real sly about it. There was this other woman, Jennifer. A tiny petite woman with a huge mouth. If you heard someone talking loud in a bar, it was her. Every so often she would strike a pose like a model and hold it for a few minutes. I would be kicking back in the bar and she would come up to me and say “hey ba-be”. Now she had found a sugar daddy from Holland. This guy was nuts about her. He took her back to Holland to show her around and when they got back to La Ceiba he set her up. She was sloppy and fooled around when he wasn’t there and he found out. Of course she is looking for that new sugar daddy to come along. About once a week she goes to Roatan for a few days to hit on all the male tourist. Actually I found her quite comical to watch.

There is a good thing about fewer gringo down there is. When you do see a gringo. They are usually friendly. Gringos approached me and they asked where is the bar that the gringos hang out in. Now there was this pair, I usually called them Mack and Meyer for hire. I always saw them together. This time I saw only one of them at a time. I would be kicking back in a bar they would come up to me and say something like not too many gringos in down here. As usual they asked when was I going to move down there. One of them had investments back in the States and basically went bar hoping all the time. He didn’t have to work. He told me I should have about $1200 monthly income not including rent. I told him I had some ideas of a running a business down there. He warned me that I should talk to him tomorrow about it. I didn’t see him again.

The other guy I ran into him at gordos. They were having a band by the side and I was video taping them and he came up to me and said hi. After I was done taping, I sat down with him near the street. As usual I talked about moving down there. I mean I knew all the major players. His story was that he had around $800 a month coming in from the States and he did some teaching to take up time. He told what a change it was for him down there. His life was so much more relaxed. After work he usually went to a bar with some friends. He said he had a girlfriend down there. Now he knew that she had something else on the side as in he did. As long as you don’t make a big deal of it, it was not a problem. A couple of months ago he had go to Puerto Cortes. He said that it was a wild party town much like La Ceiba was years ago, but he preferred the laid backness of La Ceiba. The entire scene around gordos bar was very black and he wanted to leave. He just didn’t feel comfortable. We made plans to met up in cherries disco which we did

I met the bug man, he ran the butterfly museum. This guy was a wealth of information about La Ceiba. He came to La Ceiba in the 60s and stayed. Now back then you could not wear shorts or else someone would do or say something. He had started his bug collection years ago. The word had somewhat gotten around. A peace core person heard about it and wanted to see it. When he got back the States he told a buddy of his about it. Now that person worked for the Smithsonian and he wanted some of the specimens for their collection. This started the ball rolling. Of course he kept collecting storing them. Finally he turned his garage into a museum. His real job was a teacher or translated documents.

Now years ago I wanted to be an emthomolist, but a teacher had talked me out of it. He had told me that Dole had hired one on to go out the fields and look for bugs and what could they do about them. In his collection I saw a wasp that was as long as my index finger. What I wanted to know was did it have a stinger. His eyes opened wide and said yes, very much so. It seems that a person was driving down the street and one had flew into an open window and stung the driver seven times on one side of his body. The man was paralyzed on that side for a week. My big question was what was the most dangerous insect in Honduras. Hands down it was the kissing beetle. From talking to some the natives in the country side. More then one person died of chargas disease and it was quite common in some places.

There was a French bread maker. Now years ago I had taken a picture of him and his children in the French Canadian bar. He had told me he was divorced and he didn’t want his ex-wife to have custody of the children, so he kidnapped them and ran to Honduras. I told him that I would not put the picture on the Internet and he was safe. Now I had seen him again about two years ago. From what I guess me taking that picture sent him over the edge. He seemed like he was wrapped too tight. I would guess he was wrapped too tight for any place. Every time I saw him when I went down there, he would swear at me in French and look at me with a crazy stare. Also each time I saw him he looked worse for the wear. Well his car broke down and he was delivering bread with a bicycle. I guess that broke down too. Then he moved his family to Utila. From what I heard he died there. Nobody knows what happened to his kids. As in usual Honduran stories, maybe he is dead or he found a new place to live.

Peter the guy from Belgium was still there and still talking about going back to Belgium and doing his jail time. It wasn’t something major. He would only do a year to two. This guy was holding on tooth and nail. He was always broke and always trying to bum beers off of everyone. One time he asked me to sit with him and then asked me for 200 Lemps. When I said no, he said get the f**k away from me. Every time a backpacker went by he would try to get them into the bar. One time he did and of course he got them to buy him a beer. A pretty blond girl. I sat on at the next table. Peter kept telling me to stop looking at his girl friend. Ya right I come down to Honduras to hit on blond German women. Bob knew his story and cut him off on credit. He would come in when Bob wasn’t there and said Bob gave him more credit. Nobody believed him. God what a mutt he is. Cant say I am going to miss him.

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Part Five

I saw a lot of back packers walking up and down the street. Some times even in the rain. They would have a huge backpacks and looking in a guide book for some hotel. At night that's mostly all they did. They walked up and down the street looked in the bars but rarely ever went in. when I sat in the front one back packer came in and sat next to me. We struck up a conversation. His name was Tom and he came from Germany. He had traveled around Central America for a while. When he was in Guad someone had taken a razor and opened his money belt and stole his credit cards while he was wearing it. He never even noticed it. This trip he was taking was his more or less great hurrah before he went into the working world. Of course his parents didn't want him to go. He had made notice that most of the gringos in La Ceiba were middle or older men and was wondering about it. I told him that most of the gringos had left a while a go and the ones left were just eeking out a living. The people he saw were more or less retired or needed a change of life style. They were just fed up with their life back home. I guess it was so obvious to him a lack of people in their 20s. He was staying at the Amsterdam. He said it was a dorm style with every one sleeping in one room and that he got to talk to all sorts of people. All I could think of is people having sex in the same room as me or someone trying to have sex with me.

Some times that Honduran sun beat down unmerciful and we would sit in the back around the large table. Basically shoot the breeze about different things. Now I made the statement that if I knew how to fix marine engines then I could get a job anywhere and go almost anywhere. The general scuttlebutt was if you move to Honduras and open a business, you have to bring a trade that people really need. You could rely on the tourist trade but that would be fickle at best. If you work for a Honduran company you would be making an average Honduran wage. One thing that did come up is people really need down there is generator repair. Almost no one in Honduras can repair them. Also to a limited degree is refrigerator and AC repair. Also I was told to bring my own tools and not to lend them out. I had said that my lack of Spanish would definitely be a draw back. One of the guys at the table said he ran a business and didn't speak Spanish. He hired a local guy who was bilingual and paid this guy 100 Lemps a day just to hang out with him and translate. I wanted to talk to him some more but never got the chance. A lot of people come down with ideas but no money to back them up. A lot of things people have ideas for, Hondurans can do cheaper and other things people are not interested in.

The typical gringo I was meeting had some investments in the States and was getting around 800 to 1200 a month American and did some small jobs to take up time. Trying to make a living wage in Honduras is hard if not impossible. A couple of things came up, electrician, no standards down there and most uncles do it (not well). There are some computers but they are sorta light years behind the USA. Internet kiosk, tons of them and you are at the mercy of the phone company (enough said). Bob told us that for the one year he has been in this bar. He never paid any taxes on the bar or even got a license for it and nobody had asked him to. Now there were three bars across the street. The bar that the Caymans hung out in, Bob said they were just barely holding on. Most of the people who came in just played dominos and of course the jackals that hung around them. Every so often a backpackers would go in there and they did stand out like a sore thumb. Of course the female ones got a lot of attention. I have to say that bar is somewhat wild. I often heard yelling from the dominos game and every so often a fight would break out. Nothing major thou. The bar next to it, they were 3 months behind in rent. They were selling beer for 9 Lemps. Bob said the profit on that would only be around 1 Lemp per bottle. Often there was this really scruffy looking person sitting out front having a beer. Uncut hair with a long beard and looked like he needed a bath real bad. We called him Bin Ladin. He actually looked like one of those Taliban fighters. One morning the bartender came out and sweeped the front patio. About 10 minutes later a stray dog came along and took a major dump on it. That was good for a laugh.

One thing is did see is a truck delivering propane. Now the thing about the truck is that instead of running on gas, it ran on propane. I was told that it would cost around a $1000 to convert your car over to propane and supposedly your car will last longer.

Now I heard that a Internet connection in your house would cost in the ball park of 450 Lemps a month. When I went downtown to an Internet kiosk to chat on Yahoo and check my email. I had noticed that they had phones connected to a lot of the PCs and I am guessing that you could make long distance calls for short money. Every so often I would get there and the phone lines were down and I was told to come back later and they may be up. I saw this poster on the wall, it was an ad for a island tour. In the morning they would take you out to one of the tiny islands give you lunch and come back for you at 5. You get to explore the island, snorkel or what ever. Price was about $80.

I had asked Bob for a pack of smokes and well he didn't have my brand so I went to the bar across the street. When I got to the counter. There was a beefy Honduran man there. He flexed his arm and said "mans drink" and then took a shot of this black fluid. When he was done he flexed his arm again and said, "mans drink". Now I asked the bartender what is the "mans drink"? I was told it was an herbal drink and that it was good for your stomach and would make me virile as a bull. I have heard of strange drinks in the past but have never tried one. Well I ordered one up. My new found friend said gooood. It came in a shot glass and had a slice of lemon on it. When I smelled it, it had an earthy smell to it. When I took a hit of it, oh god it was nasty. Nasty no, it tasted like sweaty socks that were squeezed and filtered. I could not finish the drink! What surprised me was the guy next to me was doing shot after shot of it! The only good thing is I had an upset stomach and it settled it. When I got back to Bob's bar I told him about it. I asked where could you get some so I could give it to my brother in law. Bob was telling that you have to buy it on the street. Typically it's a empty bottle with herbs and stuff in it, you just add the rum. There is no set formula of what's in it. Some times there is cocaine in it. The only thing is you don't leave the herbs in too long or else it gets really rank.

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-- The end --

E. Pilling, USA epilling@erols.com
2002, La Ceiba, Honduras

Moving right along...

2006-08-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

Got some more info from the downtown bar guy. He seems quite motivated. (Must be all that debt he referred to!)

He sent some cost/income numbers, and they were pretty pathetic. There was so much missing, plus his net profit looked to be about US$2500 per month, provided he's not fluffing things up, which is quite possible.

Not exactly rolling in dough there, I'd say!

Nevertheless, we clearly would not run the place as he does, and in fact would change EVERYTHING from the name to the layout to the menu and more. So it's still an interesting idea.

What I'm trying to figure out now (among 10,000 other things) is whether or not his equipment and "rights to the space" are worth his asking price. Since he doesn't own the building, (the space is leased in something like a mall/office building) we really aren't buying much of substance from him.

Hmmm....

And then there are the questions of licensing - business licensing, liquor licensing, etcetera. I have no clue how this stuff works. Yikes, there is SO MUCH yet to learn!

So today's step was emailing one successful restauranteur that I have met in Honduras (she is located in Copan Ruinas, far enough away to hopefully not consider me a threat) and ask her some of these questions. I have no idea how receptive she will be... but I'm hoping!

Another option

2006-08-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

So there's this crappy bar in La Ceiba, near the parque central. I'm not gonna name names, but if you've investigated the expat scene there you probably know of it.

It's small.

It's smoky.

It's god-aweful tacky.

It's usually DEAD aside from two-three gringos, in varying states of drunkenness, depending on the time of day.

Well my friends, it's FOR SALE!

(If I had a moustache, I would be twirling it pensively right now....)

I actually KNEW that this place was for sale, and asked my realtor about it. She made some dismissive comment like "oh yeah, that place is positively depressing. It is a decent location though."

And that was it.

Um, helloooooooooooooooo?

So today I called the owner. Yep, just picked up the phone and dialed the crappy bar. And guess what? The guy was there! And we chatted! And he's............ an IDIOT! (Or so it seems anyway...)

*prays that no one reading this blog turns out to be his best buddy - eeks*

Anywhoo... so he tells me all about his life and how he owes money to a loan shark (in his adorable "new yawkah" accent) and that he needs to sell cuz he's gotta to pay back his steep debts, apparently acquired through a failed business endeavor involving CREDIT CARDS.

Ummmm... yeah. For real. (I hope the loan shark doesn't hunt him down and kill him.)

So I'm tentatively interested. As I said, it's a great location, partially because it's in the center of town, and partially because it's on the same block as the "Centro Municipal de Tourismo," which is a total joke, but tourists still ocassionally wander over there in hopes of finding a map, or perhaps the not-always-ubiquitous "Honduras Tips" booklet. (The last time I was there, it took three staff people 15 minutes to find that booklet... um, huh? And none of them had even HEARD of Honduras This Week, the English-language paper.)

But I digress.

Back to the bar:

It's a lease deal, which makes me a tiny bit nervous. What do I know about the perils of leasing in Honduras?

Okay, you're right. What do I know about the perils of buying either????

Hahahahahaha!!!

Yes, my friends, we are swimming into unchartered waters here...

But it's kind of exciting.

In search of the perfect space

2006-08-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

Well clearly we are going to need a building, or something like that.

In fact, in order to obtain investor-residency status, we need provide detailed information about the business, including documentation which proves that we either own or lease the necessary space.

Interesting.

But anyway...

So I contacted a realtor in La Ceiba, whose name I found on www.travel-to-honduras.com. I explained the entire situation, including the fact that I currently own a multi-family building and am selling it such that I can use the proceeds for a cash purchase in Ceiba. I further explained to her that I was contacting her early since I had no clue how long these processes would take, nor how abundant (or not) the supply of commercial spaces in downtown Ceiba was.

So within a week she send me info on a two-bedroom house for sale at the price of US$90,000. It is neither in downtown nor the Zona Viva, (my preferred areas) but I suppose it's convenient enough to both - a handful of blocks down from the parque central, near the stadium.

Well. Let me just begin by saying that I am shocked to see this kind of price tag on a measly 2br house (in need of work) which is located in a THIRD WORLD COUNTRY for fuck's sake. I mean, I have seen houses on the bay island of Utila in that same price range, and that's just weird.

Anyway, I asked the realtor a few questions about the seller's timetable on closing, and if she got the sense that they would be flexible on the price, and soforth. She responded that they want to close quickly, and that's why the property is "so cheap." She further stated that if I am not ready to buy, I can just let her know when I am and she'll start searching.

WTF?

I totally already explained to her in the beginning that MY HOUSE HAS NOT SOLD YET, so no, I do not happen to have $100k in the bank at this moment, sorry. Furthermore, I am still waiting to hear details of how this process works in Honduras - like, do I need an attorney, title insurance, to file forms here and there, etcetera etcetera. I can only assume that the person on whom I should depend to explain these things is my realtor. I mean, who else is there, truly?

Anyway, perhaps I will have to wait until I can physically be in Honduras, with wads of cash in hand, before my concerns are addressed and the process can move forward. I had hoped it would be otherwise.... but we shall see.

The Background

2006-08-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, so lemme start at the very beginning:

My parents divorced when I was two. Let's just say that their breakup was less than cordial.

Nevertheless, I consider myself blessed that my mother still allowed me a few visits to see my paternal grandparents, who at that time were primarily located in Tampa, Florida.

My earliest memories of my father's parents involve them talking about Honduras. Evidently my grandmother (a college math instructor) had gone there with a friend sometime in the sixties and decided that it was positively heavenly. With a little bit of money and bit more of convincing for my grandfather, she had built a finca, or "summer home" on the outskirts of the north coast city of La Ceiba. They vacationed there during the summers, when school was not in session.

By the time I was spending my "mom-is-studying-for-the-bar-exam" or “making-her-way-as-a-new-associate-in-the-firm” summers with them, it was the eighties, and my grandparents had all but retired to that lovely, Central American finca. I recall my grandfather's attempts to teach me Spanish... from his copyright-violating, xeroxed copies of textbooks.

(Who knew teachers used school shit for their own purposes??)

Anyway, I came to romanticize this place of theirs, perhaps because of the fact that it was later withheld from me by a disgruntled and worried mother who had second thoughts about me traveling to a place where horses were employed to ford rivers when bridges flooded, and where bugs ostensibly grew to the size of small dogs.

(To say nothing of malaria, dengue fever and boa constrictors.)

But I digress....

So this is how I learned of Honduras, and became utterly enchanted.

Even with my grandparents gone, I continued my search for something of them, (perhaps something which would translate to me) in that country. I visited regularly, my enchantment fading not one iota in the face of poverty, nor environmental degradation, nor a laughably ineffective government.

I was, and am, inexplicably held by the magic of the Honduran landscape, and the Honduran people.

And so today, some 25 (ish) years after I learned of this place, I have determined to make it my home... at least for a time.

I have a business plan in mind, the details of which I will likely reveal at length, and I hope that it will afford me the opportunity to pass some years in the country my grandmother fell in love with.

So, at the risk of being sappy, (and eat it up NOW my friends, cuz you'll not see too much sappiness here, ) I would like to dedicate this journey to my grandmother: Doña Elyse; mi abuelita linda.

And the Story Begins

2006-08-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

I am moving to Honduras.

No really, I am.

I travel not with the Peace Corps, nor with any altruistic NGO. Neither am I a grad student, eager to plumb the depths of anthropological idiosyncracies or trace Mayan legacies...

Nope.

I am just a random person, with a crazy idea to start a business in the north coast city of La Ceiba.

Through this blog, I intend share my experience: the aggravating bureacratic details of acquiring investor residency status; the arduous (and expensive) task of procuring a commercial space; and the overwhelming ecstacy of those moments where I realize that this is actually happening... and that it can succeed.

So... welcome. Prepare yourself for minutiae, ranting, raving, and anything else you can think of. I don't expect that this will be pretty, but I plan to carry this blog through, at least to the opening of my shop, if not beyond.

Oh, and I swear a lot... so be warned.

The Southern Leap

Do you like Hondurans?

Time for a break!

Random Photo

So much for choice in communications...

Merry Christmas!

WOW!

Dump Thoughts

Pico Bonito

Contradictions

Achiote

I'm alive!

:-(

West End, Roatan

Um, you mean a shot of rum?

I am alive

RANT!!!!!!!

Thinking of a swim?

What?!?!?

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Back Online!

The Amended PLAN

Thursday Update

Reality Check

Here kitty, kitty...

Stuff... and more Stuff... and still more STUFF

The Clearance Letter

And now for a warm fuzzy feeling....

Crime

Ever flown into Tegucigalpa?

Sorry folks, I am on a tangent!

More Trash Talk!

See what you can find on the internet?

And now for some pics

The Trip! (And a notice about La Gringa's Blog)

I hate yahoo in Latin America

Can I just say...

Whatever!!!

**BS ALERT**

In La Ceiba NEXT WEEK!

Now that you all think I'm fickle...

A new look!

As the anxiety sets in...

And now for some pics

**Cool Stuff Alert**

RESTLESS!

EEEEEKS... DRUGS & GOSSIP!

And today... Fun with Residency!

Exciting Times

OOPS!

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.... WOW!

Tales of Honduras From a Frequent Visitor

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Moving right along...

Another option

In search of the perfect space

The Background

And the Story Begins

BS ALERT

Cool Stuff Alert